I will never forget the moment in my undergraduate degree when the prof of my class on totalitarian leaders (yes... I took a class on totalitarianism), flashed a picture of young Stalin on the PowerPoint. Remembering what I pivotal moment that was for me (you know how it is when you realize that someone who came to represent so much evil was actually incredibly attractive in their youth), I decided that I would share the experience with my History 12 class.
I had prepared a lecture on the Russian Revolutions and Civil War. My students were enthralled (or as enthralled as they could be). And then I switched to the slide with this picture:
At this point one my boys asked me how this guy managed to curdle (yes, curdle), into the man we all recognize.
I had other high points with my History class this week too.
I assigned each student a different communist leader/figure. They were in charge of researching that leader and their impact on communism. I get to see their presentations tomorrow (I would be lying if I said I wasn't excited about this... I'm also introducing them to fascism tomorrow). One girl became so fascinated with her specific leader (she is looking at Mao Zedong), that when doing an improvisation warm-up for her drama class, she did a scene involving communism... and proceeded to pretend she was Mao.
One of my grade 8 girls told her mom and that she can't wait to have me three times a day next semester (I guess I have to try to be meaner).
My English 10 class did a coffeehouse on Tuesday. I brought in hot chocolate and some brownies, three other girls brought in baked goods, I wore a scarf and beret, set up a stool at the front of the class, and watched as my students began to read poetry in front of each other.
A not-so-thrilling part of the week was getting hit with the nasty cold that several of my students have been off from school with. It hit Thursday. I was in bed by 7:30 two nights in a row. I was chilled. My head hurt. My chest hurt. I was coughing.
Let's be honest. I was pretty miserable!
But today I am feeling much better :)
I'm incredibly excited for the Thanksgiving weekend. I get to see my family, some friends, and Mr. Charming is coming to visit.
It hasn't all been easy. This was a long week with some long days due to meetings and such after school. I'm a little scared my 4:30 wake-ups are beginning to catch up with me. I'm realizing that some parts of life, like finding balance, finding a church, and just figuring out where I belong/fit in aren't going to be as easy as I would like them to be. I'm realizing that I'm still dealing with baggage from my last church experience that I didn't think I would have to deal with.
That I tend to feel I shouldn't have to deal with.
I react to things church-related in a manner I'm not always proud of.
But God is still proving faithful. Over the last few days, He has given me such an incredible picture of His love.
Sometimes I feel like I'm always being faced with my flaws. I see all my imperfections. I see the way I respond to things. I see the battles that wage within me.
And they disgust me.
They repulse me.
Yes, at times, I repulse me.
I wonder why anyone wants to be around me. Sometimes I wonder how anyone could love one so incredibly imperfect.
I was told the other day that I was loved for who I am.
Those words stopped me.
They stopped me because I know I don't deserve that kind of love.
I don't deserve grace.
Yet it is given to me.
I don't have to become perfect in order for God to love me. I don't have to become perfect in order for Him to extend His grace and forgiveness my way.
He loves me.
And that love makes me want to be a better person. It makes me want to throw off the imperfections, the things that hinder, and strive for perfection.
So here's to a week of communist leaders, fascism, and the realization that even a sinner like me is still loved.
I had prepared a lecture on the Russian Revolutions and Civil War. My students were enthralled (or as enthralled as they could be). And then I switched to the slide with this picture:
At this point one my boys asked me how this guy managed to curdle (yes, curdle), into the man we all recognize.
I had other high points with my History class this week too.
I assigned each student a different communist leader/figure. They were in charge of researching that leader and their impact on communism. I get to see their presentations tomorrow (I would be lying if I said I wasn't excited about this... I'm also introducing them to fascism tomorrow). One girl became so fascinated with her specific leader (she is looking at Mao Zedong), that when doing an improvisation warm-up for her drama class, she did a scene involving communism... and proceeded to pretend she was Mao.
One of my grade 8 girls told her mom and that she can't wait to have me three times a day next semester (I guess I have to try to be meaner).
My English 10 class did a coffeehouse on Tuesday. I brought in hot chocolate and some brownies, three other girls brought in baked goods, I wore a scarf and beret, set up a stool at the front of the class, and watched as my students began to read poetry in front of each other.
A not-so-thrilling part of the week was getting hit with the nasty cold that several of my students have been off from school with. It hit Thursday. I was in bed by 7:30 two nights in a row. I was chilled. My head hurt. My chest hurt. I was coughing.
Let's be honest. I was pretty miserable!
But today I am feeling much better :)
I'm incredibly excited for the Thanksgiving weekend. I get to see my family, some friends, and Mr. Charming is coming to visit.
It hasn't all been easy. This was a long week with some long days due to meetings and such after school. I'm a little scared my 4:30 wake-ups are beginning to catch up with me. I'm realizing that some parts of life, like finding balance, finding a church, and just figuring out where I belong/fit in aren't going to be as easy as I would like them to be. I'm realizing that I'm still dealing with baggage from my last church experience that I didn't think I would have to deal with.
That I tend to feel I shouldn't have to deal with.
I react to things church-related in a manner I'm not always proud of.
But God is still proving faithful. Over the last few days, He has given me such an incredible picture of His love.
Sometimes I feel like I'm always being faced with my flaws. I see all my imperfections. I see the way I respond to things. I see the battles that wage within me.
And they disgust me.
They repulse me.
Yes, at times, I repulse me.
I wonder why anyone wants to be around me. Sometimes I wonder how anyone could love one so incredibly imperfect.
I was told the other day that I was loved for who I am.
Those words stopped me.
They stopped me because I know I don't deserve that kind of love.
I don't deserve grace.
Yet it is given to me.
I don't have to become perfect in order for God to love me. I don't have to become perfect in order for Him to extend His grace and forgiveness my way.
He loves me.
And that love makes me want to be a better person. It makes me want to throw off the imperfections, the things that hinder, and strive for perfection.
So here's to a week of communist leaders, fascism, and the realization that even a sinner like me is still loved.
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