Adventurer's Log #10: Miss S Agrees to a Name Change

Mrs. Charming.

That has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

Speaking of ring, have I mentioned that I'm sporting a rather gorgeous one on a somewhat important finger?

Almost two and a half years ago I started a blog.  It was entitled "Annals of a Christian Single."  I was tired of living in small towns where people acted as though something was wrong with you because you were in your mid- to late-twenties and unmarried.  Because you wanted to go to university and attain a profession. 

I had been in seven weddings and received more than enough comments about the movie Twenty-Seven Dresses.  I have a closet containing all seven dresses, ranging from red velvet to hot pink to black.

Friends tried to set me up with people.  My life seemed to be one humorous story after another as I began to embrace my singleness.

A year and a half ago something interesting happened.

I commented on a friend's status on Facebook one day, and found that one of this friend's friends commented back.  Only his comment was directed at me.

So we commented back and forth.

Which drove my friend crazy.

I actually met this person at a wedding a few years earlier.  Okay, I claim they were pointed out to me and that was it.  He claims we talked.

Apparently I left an impression on him.

It didn't take long before this person added me on Facebook.  Sounds silly, I know, but what ensued was three months where any status I updated, and comment I made on a friend's wall, was followed by this person.  I returned home to work for the summer and was bombarded with questions about this person's identity.  All I knew was that we had met at a wedding a few years before and they were known by their friends as being a bit of a flirt.

One day I decided to send this person a private message on Facebook.  I loved the battles of wit we would enter into, and did not want to lose that, but was also a little concerned about the attention his attentions were drawing. 

Email became back and forth conversations from the time I got off work until he went to bed at night (we had to deal with a three hour time difference).

This soon turned into texting which would occur all day.

Texting then developed into Skype dates.

Then something happened.

This person, this man, informed me he had bought a ticket to come and spend ten days with me.  He was serious about wanting to pursue a relationship with me.

I was scared.  My last relationship had been a long distance thing that had begun online.  When the guy met me in person he wanted nothing to do with me.

That takes a toll on a girl.

But this guy was adamant that that would not happen.

So he came.  I was sick the days before his arrival, convinced he would step off the plane, take one look at me, and turn the other way.

But he didn't.

I had to finish school out here in BC.  He was in Ontario.  But we decided to do the long distance thing.  I was convinced he would discover just how insecure and needy I can be, just how flawed and imperfect I really am, and would realize he should just run.

But he didn't.

In April, I was offered a full-time teaching job.  In BC.  Away from him for another year.  I thought maybe then he would decide it would be too much work.

But he didn't.

This last weekend I went home to my parents' for Thanksgiving and this man, my Mr. Charming, flew up for the weekend to spend it with us.  On Saturday afternoon we went for a fall walk along the river, just the two of us.

After pausing on a bridge, I turned and discovered him lowering himself down onto one knee, ring proffered in his hands, asking me to marry him.

I'm in awe.

This really happened.

This ring is really on my hand and I really get to marry the man I love.  The man who challenges me to be a better person.  The man who loves me, flaws and all.

So here's to being blessed beyond description.

And here's to getting to become Mrs. Charming ;)

Adventurer's Log #9: Miss S meets a Menopausal Woman and Rises from the Ashes

I was social this weekend.

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The dramatic pause was so you could all applause, just so you know.

Yesterday I went for lunch with friends, and was then invited to another friend's house for appetizers and games.  Which is where our story begins ;)

My job was to bring the wine last night.  So prior to heading to my friend's place I stopped by the store.

Before going any farther, I should probably clarify that I don't drink that much or very often.  I can count on two fingers the number of times I have bought alcohol for myself.  I enjoy a glass of wine, but when I drink it, it is always bought for me.

Which created quite the dilemma for myself last night.  What bottle was I supposed to get?

So while wandering the aisles attempting to look like the pro I am not, a woman (and the only other customer in the store at that point), strikes up a conversation with me.  She tells me about the vineyards she visited with her husband this summer, how her husband is working that night, and that she just needs a bottle of good white wine to curl up with.  I smile, nod in feigned understanding, and finally state that I have no idea what I'm looking for. 

After announcing that she used to always drink red wine until menopause hit last year and reds started to disagree with her, she helped me find something to bring to my gathering.

The man in the line-up after me told me I had picked well :)

Which brings me to this morning.  How, I'm not quite sure, but I couldn't think of any other way to make the transition!

So I went to church today.  Shocking, I know.

I realized something last week, which I shared with you guys, about how I have some baggage in my life when it comes to the whole church situation.

Mr. Charming and I had a talk this summer about dealing with issues.  How people often only want to deal with symptoms of their problems, and not with the problem itself.

For example, I have come to realize I am an incredibly insecure person.  And to be honest, I would much rather just have people affirm me and tell me they love me when I feel insecure.  I don't want to actually work at working through the insecurity.

But I need to.

I have had a church experience that has left me guarded and at times (more often than I care to admit) cynical.  I would much rather go to church but remain guarded, wary, and continue to distrust those around me until such a time as I find a "good" church. 

But I can't do that.

Once the music started this morning I knew I was in for it.  There was no avoiding God.

The second song we sang was "Our God" by Chris Tomlin.  The second verse goes:

"Into the darkness You shine,
Out of the ashes we rise,
There's no one like You,
None like You."

I suppose you could say that between my insecurity and my church complex I feel like I'm a pretty big mess.  Like at times my life and security have been destroyed.  Burned down, if you will.

And I'm left somewhere in the heap of the ashes.

Yesterday and today when I went for my runs I was listening to a podcast by Tim Keller, the pastor at Redeemer Presbyterian Church in Manhattan and the man who is hailed as the C.S. Lewis of our day.  It had to do with the "Our Father" of the Lord's prayer.  Keller talked about how we often view our relationship with God as a business transaction.  God is our Creator and our Savior.

Yet the Bible also talks about how we have been adopted.

We are His Children.

Keller makes the remark that the only person who dares to wake up the king in the middle of the night for a glass of water is the king's child.

He talks about how we are to petition God.  He mentions men like Abraham and Moses who pushed and argued and begged.

As we sang "Our God" in church this morning I began to realize something.

I had come to the conclusion that insecurity and church frustrations would never go away.  That I will always be as insecure as I am now and that I will always be guarded in church.

And because of this, I have not asked God to help me work through these issues as much as I should have.

I have been content to sit in my ashes, to look at the continual reminders of my hurt and pain.

But that is not what God has called me to do.

He wants to help me rise from the ash heap.

Have things happened that have helped to make me insecure?  Have things happened that make my wary of certain things at church?

Yes.

Am I all of a sudden going to forget about those?

No.

And you know what, I probably never will.

But those things do not run my life.

Is everything going to be perfect now?

I wish!

There will still be times when I look back to the ruins.  When I even, though it is twisted and even sick, wish for the familiarity of my ashes.

But I'm tired of being that person.

I'm tired of allowing frustration, offense, hurt, and rejection to run my life.  I'm tired of allowing people and events in the past to have this much power over my life.

I want my life to be run by the One who knit me together.  The One who knows me inside and out and loves me.  My Creator.  My Savior.  My Father.

So here's to petitioning God.  Here's to striving.

Here's to rising from the ashes.

Adventurer's Log #8: Miss S and the Dark Lord

"A Fascist's Tale" is how it began.

What proceeded was the telling of how the Dark Lord came to power... along with an image of Gandalf and a speech bubble saying "Fly you fools!"

Yup.

This was an assignment one of my students handed in today.

The task?

Good question.

It had nothing to do with destroying the Ring of Power.  I mean, come on, everyone knows one does not simply walk into Mordor.

It was a timeline, actually.

Yup.

A timeline.

We are studying 1919-1933 in History 12 right now, and rather than have my students answer questions to tell me about Hitler's rise to power in Germany, I had them create a timeline.  I told them it could be in whatever format they wanted (an actual timeline, a PowerPoint, paragraph form, etc).  So one student did a PowerPoint.

And it was Lord of the Rings themed.

Pretty epic, if I do say so myself!

I would love to take full credit for this, but I can't.  These are kids are just plain incredible!  The work they hand in makes me seem like a way better teacher than I actually am.  Each of my classes has something unique to offer, but I seriously cannot wait for my grade 12 class at the end of each day.  I get to work with a group of students who are taking they course because they love the subject matter.  They were telling me that their idea of taking a break from the homework in other classes is to do the homework for my class!

What teacher doesn't want to hear that?!

So yes, despite an exhausting start to the week, things are going well.

My incredibly lame Friday night is moving along rather nicely :)

After work I spent a little over an hour at the Laundromat.  I did my laundry, wrote a letter to Mr. Charming, and shared pleasantries with some my fellow patrons.

Then I returned home and cleaned my house.

Now, after a lovely, hot shower, I am drinking tea, eating a lemon square, and reclining on the couch.

And I currently sound like I must be about 70 years old!

But all is well.  Next week is a short week and then it is off to a conference.  Which also means Thanksgiving is coming.  Which means I get to see Mr. Charming in 168 hours.

Not that I'm counting!

And I get to spend the weekend with my family!

And I will hopefully come back a little less tired and a little more able to make it to Christmas!

So here's to lemon squares, dark lords, and possibly staying up later than eight o'clock tonight!

Adventurer's Log #7: Miss S and the Stupid Lemon Squares

It is just after six o'clock and I have changed into my jammies and am curling up on the couch.

I was convinced, after all the rest that I got with being sick over the weekend, that I was fully rested, recharged, and ready to go (how's that for alliteration?  Can you tell the English teacher in the room?)  And yesterday was one great day.  I had so much energy.  My classes were fun and students seemed to be learning.  I had some kids come and tell me how much they appreciate my teaching style.

Which is great to hear when you are always evaluating yourself and wondering how you are doing.  And wondering if you're actually capable of teaching or if it is just a figment of your imagination!

But today I noticed something.

I'm tired.

I noticed it when one of my students put up a fight about completing all of the questions with an assignment.  Or when a group of girls just would not stop talking.  Or when another boy was mad at me for all of Cooking class because I decided we would make lemon squares and they have too much sugar in them.  So I got the cold shoulder all class. 

Because of lemon squares.

Yeah.  I know.  My thoughts exactly.

Normally I am a pretty patient person (I know those of you who know me are shocked to hear this).  I can reason, I can talk students through things, and I can get my classes under control (classroom management has never been an issue for me).

But today I was tired.

My patience was shot.

I think I managed to hide it from my students and co-workers, but if I were to be honest, when I came home I just wanted to collapse on the couch with my supper and a cup of tea and cry.  But I couldn't.  I had to head back to the school for a meeting.

However, I don't want this to be a down post!  Because the first two days of the week have been good ones.

My grade 12s presented on their communist leaders. 

All I can say is "Wow."  There is something about watching them refer to guys like Marx and Stalin on a first-name basis that makes me proud.  And maybe a little scared ;)

My grade 10s did literary games with me in class yesterday and they got so into it.  I love watching them get excited to learn and have fun doing it.

My grade 8s found out about Mr. Charming (I teach the principal's daughter so she has been around when he has been talked about).  Trying to keep homeroom devotions away from discussion about him and when they will get to meet him has been a challenge all in itself.

One of my grade 9s baked brownies and brought them to class because she knows I like chocolate.

So see?  Still a good day :)

In my exhaustion I have found myself turning to God more and more.  I have broken down on Him, talked to Him, and am currently sitting here asking Him to just hold me.

So here's to a good night sleep tonight and a more patient Miss S tomorrow!